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A pause of sorts

Monday 1/25/21

I am not going to attempt to do an update on work right now. The war. The quest. I'll try to do that at the end of the month, with a catch-all account that will be a doozy. For now I will simply say that I have never worked harder than I have in this first month of 2021, nor in the last four+ days, which have also been the ugliest, and bloodiest, of my career, as the next patch will be uglier and bloodier yet, and I have never written more in my life. The truth is, for the first time since my breakdown in early 2019, I am fighting back against these evil, bigoted people, and I am doing what I need to do--some of which will be done in plain view of the public on here. It's been a long road back. I do not know exactly where I am, but I do know that I'm closer than I have been in years. The last four days have been very telling. They've confirmed what I already knew, but I'm also learning more about how far the cowardice extends with these bigots. And I am not taking any of this anymore.


The website is on hold until I get done what I have to get done this week. Sections have been frozen in place for months--after having been incomplete all along, too, on account of how difficult it has proven to post the various links to my work, given that there was so much to begin with, and I am publishing so much now--and with various changes instigated by the hosting venue, I don't know how to change anything. The last book isn't even linked on the Books page, the News section hasn't seen a new entry since mid-October--though there are thirty entries in the time since then that should be up there--and it's a mess. That will have to wait, though. I have too much to get through right now, and then I'll figure out the site.


It also appears that people are not getting notifications that the blog has been updated. Or some are. Some do sometimes, but not other times. I have no idea why, but this is periodically a problem with the hosting site. I spend forever on the phone, it appears to get fixed, then it's fine for a few weeks, and happens again. But not for everyone. There's no consistency with the problem, and it's not simply an issue of spam filters. I don't know what the hell it is.


Someone wrote me a note recently saying that they unsubscribed because each day they went into their inbox, and their was an alert that a new post had gone up, and then they'd have to read about how much I was doing and achieving, how many miles I'd walked and the stairs I'd run, all I'd written, how I lived life, created art, and it all conspired to make them feel worse about themselves. So they didn't want the reminder anymore. I don't know what to say to that.


Other people, who take inspiration from these pages, and whatever else they take, tend to be dependent on those notifications, which is an interesting thing. I don't mean that as a criticism. What I mean is that they must know there are frequent new entries, and yet, they wait for the notification, and if the notification does not come for weeks, they don't think, "I should pop 'round, have a look, there must be new stuff." I think that speaks to how we access things now. We have to be taken to something, we don't go to something. Even when we know what that something is and how it works.


I do know how to update the blog, at least, so that will continue to happen even before the rest of the website is figured out/fixed.


I did have a day--last Thursday--when I took no exercise. I sat at the desk for something like sixteen straight hours. I walked three miles yesterday and Saturday, and I walked six and ran ten hill sprints on Friday. Yesterday marked 1680 days, or 240 weeks, without a drop of alcohol.


Anyway. I must go. I must compose.