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Sunday 6/28/20

Try to have more than laser-focus. If a laser were looking on, and could cogitate, impel the laser to think, "Shit, I guess I'm not as locked in on my work as I could be. Look at this person."


I walked twelve miles today, ran the stairs at BC ten times. Alumni Stadium was open at one entrance I saw, so in I went after my stairs were completed, and ran sprints up and down the field. I finished one of the Charlie Parker pieces.


Some people were horrified by a scene in "Crossing Deer," though it is a passage as strong as anything I have ever composed, a natural result of where the story is going, organic--shocking, yes, perhaps, but life can be shocking. There are myriad reasons why this passage occurs and should occur, and it is fiercely contextualized on many levels; it's an outgrowth, not an insertion. Do you know what I mean? There is a universe of difference between the two. It was not for shock value. But, what I did was create an alternative version of the story that was excellent. It's also pretty shocking that someone just took ten minutes and did what I ended up doing. People who know me wouldn't be shocked. Norberg wouldn't be shocked at all. So, another option. What I would probably offer, right now, is the second version, because these people tend to be shocked over things that are not remotely shocking, let alone this, and then later, when I am where I wish to be, I'll decide which is the official version. Maybe one book could have one, another book another.


I watched Seal Team Six: The Raid on Osama Bin Laden. It was fine, nothing special. Two-dimensional characters, but the raid itself is the main character, or the lead-up to the raid. Most notable aspect was how "real life" footage, sound, and especially still pictures were edited into the general continuity. That was well done. Today is 1484 days without a drink, or 212 weeks. I did computing in my head on my walk today, and I am owed a decent chunk of money right now that I need to get. Not decent by many standards, but I have to lock down the billing situation. Spoke to Vollmer. I respect him. I listened to Larry Williams' Here's Larry Williams today. This guy loved intertextuality. He's referencing himself and his songs left and right--he's referencing songs on this album on other songs on this album. Navy Seal is one of the many, many, many, many things I would be awful at.


I introduced someone today to the poetry of John Clare, and they read "I Am," and reported back that it was excellent. Sometimes after I walk out to BC I take the train back, because it's ten miles. I am as disgusting as you can be on the train. I stand up to get off, and my seat--my former seat--is like this pond of sweat. I think I look healthy, but it must seem as though I am Malaria Man or something. There was this guy who got on today, and he isn't doing so great, it seems, and he's also clearly a potential problem. He puts his bag down, and for some reason, he starts reaching for the bag of this woman who was with her husband. They were sitting down, this guy was standing. So she freaks. This wasn't stealing, he was just a wreck. She continues to freak, and in an ironic twist, this guy gets pissed. "I obviously wasn't trying to steal your bag, asshole." He was quite angry with her. I mean, he wasn't trying to steal her bag, but what happened clearly entailed a lot of the stuff that a bag stealer would feature. He was legitimately offended. But there was something else going on. I don't know if he was high or sick.


I've had this Beatles demo--John Lennon demo--of "I'm in Love" in my head all day. One of their more unknown unreleased numbers. There has been some debate about its provenance. It's from 1963. Lennon's voice changed a lot after 1964. What surprises me is how functional he was at the piano by this time. Listen to how he sings "friends"--he only could have sounded that way in '63-'64.


Sat by the harbor, listened to the thunder--though by then the rain had stopped, or was perhaps gearing up again--and read The Private Journal of William Reynolds: United States Exploring Expedition, 1838-1842.


This week will be a big one. Do what you do, get where you are going. No mercy, no weakness. Make the laser shit its pants.