There is a person who stalks me named Matt Hanson, who everyone I know knows and laughs at as Junior Colin. He's a lousy writer, from Boston, who used to contact me begging for my attention. We call him Junior Colin because he wants to be me, and then, of course, there's the whole stalking thing. He's as creepy as you can be, and as untalented as he is creepy. Let me tell you about this guy, so that thousands of people can now laugh at him, the way everyone I know laughs at him.
He lives in New Orleans now. He tries to be me. The thing I do where I'm the expert on everything, and publish on everything? And have that thing called actual ability? That's what Matt Hanson wants for himself. More than anything in this life, and in his sad, empty, broken life.
He used to hound me by writing me, asking me to meet with him. He was such a big fan he said, and he read the blog religiously. (It's more than that--I have this guy's IP address, and he lives on this blog. Total obsession.)
He would send me bad, poorly written pieces he did. There was one on jazz, for instance, which had no point to it. The entire gist was "these are jazz recordings I like," and then he listed things, and it was music he knew nothing about, that he didn't know how to discuss, and which he clearly had never once listened to in most cases. He knows nothing about his subjects, and you can tell that 1. He just went to Wikipedia and got everything he uses from there and 2. He's akin to that guy who carries around a copy of War and Peace, sits in the cafe with War and Peace, and wants to be seen with War and Peace, but doesn't actually read War and Peace.
He made himself a site, and he based it on this site. He stole my entire design. You know how I have the categories? Yeah, he filched that.
The man kept bothering me, and I was polite but completely uninterested in him, so he decided to get passive aggressive, when it was clear that I wanted nothing to do with him, and had no respect for his work or who he was as a person. I know guys like this. As one of Hanson's now former editors said to me, "Hanson is the kind of guy I used to know when I was freelancing, who would kiss my ass for an introduction, and you knew exactly how fake they were."
He wanted me to hook him up with editors. Right. Do you think I'm going to do that? What he started doing was trying to follow me around, with where I got published. So he approached people based on what I had in print. If you look at his writing, you'll see something that's worse than anything you could do, even if you're not a writer. It's paint-by-number prose, and, again, Wikipedia regurgitation. It's a child, pretending to be something they're obviously not.
So, stymied in his attempts to have me do things for him, and knowing--not that I said it, but I'm sure he knew--that I had no respect for his mind or his writing, or his character, he decided to attack me, passive aggressive-style. He steadied his chins, probably knocked back some liquid courage, and wrote me saying that this journal would read as sour grapes if I hadn't published where I published.
The many people who read these pages know what the actual reality is. Even the people who hate read these pages, because they're the ones doing to me what they're doing. And naturally they also want to check if they're on here, though that should really be rendered as "when," because that time does come.
I didn't take the bait. As readers also know, I take no bait. He followed me on Twitter, and though I had never called him Junior Colin, I made a joke on here about a Junior Colin, and of course he knew it was him, and within four minutes, because this sociopath thinks about and follows me all day, in his obsession, he had unfollowed me.
Then he took to giving my books fake star reviews. He gave one of them, for instance, a two-star review, and he never paid for it, never bought it, never read it. A friend of mine said, "This guy is terrifying. I'm glad he moved to New Orleans. He's obsessed with you. He's someone who wouldn't just murder you, but he'd murder you, cut off your face, and then wear your face, while screaming, 'Now I'm real Colin.'"
I saw that this sociopath did this, so I wrote him at the email address he was always writing me from, saying that maybe he should grow up. Because he was caught, bang to rights, and because he is a coward and a sociopath, Junior Colin said nothing. He read the email about 100 times, though, because, again, he's a sociopath.
Junior Colin then gets married, chins and all, to, naturally, an academic. Bunch of months go by. The thing is, when you do this with me, because we all know the level of the writing, trolls like this--who take the form of envious, failed writers with no talent, who want to be me--try to make it believable. So it doesn't look like a straight-up troll job.
Then the reviews start coming in about this being a work of genius, Fleming is the best writer in the world, etc., and how do you think a Junior Colin likes that? You'll love this.
This sociopath then goes back to the same review, and makes it lower. He's insane. A dangerous, talentless, stalker.
I saw that he did it again, for another book he didn't buy and read. Because I had not mentioned him on here, and being a sociopath who can't let his obsession go, he had to do it again, like a child thinking they were getting away with something, when they knew they were up to no good, but couldn't stop themselves.
I was talking to someone about this, saying that no one respects how Junior Colin writes, he has no knowledge, no ability with words, can't come up with a single original idea, and then there's me, and what I do, and the infinite difference, and then there's this blog, which thousands and thousands of people see, so why on earth would someone behave this way? And he's someone who'd like to have their own books, to boot. And someone who had kissed my ass with the most over-the-top praise, begged me to meet him, and I left this out.
Junior Colin works at a place called Arts Fuse. What's Arts Fuse? It's not much. It's basically an arts website filled with the writings of people who were left behind after The Phoenix closed--their older writers. He begged me to write for Arts Fuse. The pay was so low, that it just wasn't worth it. Plus, no one knows what it is, it's not read anywhere, and if you've heard of it, it's because you go to the Brattle, and Arts Fuse pays like $50 to have an ad run while you're sitting there waiting for the movie to start with four other people in the theater.
You know what Junior Colin does? Because this is how horny he was to have my work appear in a place he worked at. He said that he had worked so hard to round up special funds, to pay me a one-time fee of $200 because I was so amazing. I said no thanks.
This is the insane stalker who does the review thing now, like some spurned, jealous, thirteen-year-old girl.
Anyway, when I asked my friend this, they answered, "He's so obsessed with you, that he can't help himself. He'd rather have that with you, than be spared other things. He's unstable. And unhinged in his obsession with the real Colin."
There you have it: Junior Colin, aka, Matt Hanson. You want to keep this going, man? This can be part one, if you'd like. I got lots of quotes from people.