Nothing is ever so bad that it can't be helped by talking to someone

Friday 9/29/23

Wrote this today and sent it to a friend's thirteen-year-old daughter. Her friend was found dead in bed the other morning. Been thinking about it since. This was to a kid, as I said, but I think it's true for all of us so I'm putting it here.

Hi Remy,

It's your friend Colin in Boston. I heard the awful, awful, awful news this week about your friend and I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I've been thinking about her--and you--since learning the news. I can imagine the pain and shock you feel, and how scary it is, too.

When I was a few years older than you, this boy at my school who was nice to me--and I didn't really have any friends at the time--died suddenly and I remember I really struggled with it. I was confused in a way how much it shook me all the way through, because we weren't great friends or anything, but it had to do with it being someone my age, at that age. And he was a nice kid.

There isn't much someone can say to you right now and that sucks. You have your friends and it's something you'll both go through with them and, of course, on your own. We're always in our own heads, aren't we? We spend more time there than anywhere else.

But what I would say is try to help these friends and this girl's sister. I know she's older, but there are always ways to help, and what might be a small way to you, may be a huge one to someone else, and exactly what they need. You'll find, I think, that that helps you as well.

I don't know how this girl died and I'm not sure if anyone does yet. I don't want to speculate, of course. And while this is hellish and tragic--and it will always stay with you, and this girl's poor sister more than anyone--there's something that we can all remember when we experience pain and loss like this.

We need to communicate. We need to talk to people. We need to tell them what we're feeling, what we're going through. We have to speak up. We have to share. We can't lock it all away because we'll end up hurting ourselves.

I wish this poor girl had spoken to your dad, or you. I know her family situation was horrific. And again, I don't know what happened, but that must have been so hard for her.

Nothing is ever so bad, Remy, that it can't be helped by talking to someone.

I'm so sorry again. You hang in there.

Love,

Colin