This is fictitious! Let's just say it's fictitious. I would never say such things, right? Okay. But it did give me an idea for Meatheads II, when Chad--who is now middle-aged and has a family--has to take the beloved family dog to be put down, with Chad believing that the dog is his spirit animal. Turns out--this will be a theme in the book--that Chad is a big believer in animism. He's really devoted to it, and reads up on it, and knows a strange amount about it--he's even an expert. Anyway, things go wrong in the middle of the procedure, when Chad has a change of heart, and attempts to intervene and reverse nature itself. There is also the matter of the steak of God--the sog. But more on that later. Allowing that I have someone to do this book for. I will be shoving Chad into the world of BLM, trans issues, protests, COVID, as well as assorted scenes of domesticity.
One person: Heading out to put the dog down at 10:30.
OP: Not sure I'm cut out for this shit anymore
Second person: That's rough. I'm sorry to hear that.
SP: This might be rude/wrong but maybe sneak off with a cat or two from your house and see if you can get a rate. Make a clean breast of it. Start over. Pick up a jade plant and an ivy on the way home and make that the family's new way.
SP: Tell everyone there's a pet plague in the house and if you don't act decisively the humans will be in danger. I bet when you get home L-- will have a mask on just in case.
SP: Try not to feel like you have blood on your hands. Or the blood of your cerebral daughter's youth/innocence. Keep stabbing, Captain. And remember: life isn't always deserved.
SP: Were you able to eliminate the cats?