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Sunday 11/9/25

It's four in the morning. I need to head out soon to run stairs. None yesterday. 6000 on Friday (which I believe is the most I've done taking two-stairs-at-a-time without stopping at City Hall), as well as 200 push-ups, and eight miles walked. As I write this, there are these loud, drunken idiots--adults--in North Square who have been outside for a couple hours trying to...what...impress each other? Pair up for their sloppy hook ups?

At the moment it's forty degrees. This is what single adults do? What time do you get up if you're one of these people? You're thirty-two and you arise on Sunday at one or two? I'd feel like such a loser waking up in the middle of the day as an adult. Then how do you go to bed that night? Because you have stuff to do Monday morning, right?

What a sloppy, gross way to be. They are all morons. You hear their remarks from way down the street bouncing off the bricks of the buildings and making it here to me at the desk. Hundreds of usages of the word "literally." The witlessness of these guys as they try to impress these dumb women just so they can use their holes which is all they care about, all they'll ever care about, all they're capable of caring about. The shrill, brainless laughter of these simpleton women. These are the guys you're out in the cold with? These losers?

I can't imagine that any of them could so much as read a sentence and have any idea what it meant. I know they're on their phones all the time. I know they have no interests other than attention and gossip and food and three-second video clips and the latest mindless fleeting "connection"/banging.

Eventually some of them will pair up with someone like them. Not for love, but because what else are they going to do? They'll breed and be shitty parents to kids who will suck as much, if not more, than they do when they become adults. Go home. Waste of life. Most people are a waste of life.

It's crazy how loud people are now. I don't just mean these people, but people in general. Like no one has any idea how to be. How to just be in this world. Behave. Modulate their bellowing. All of the verbal belching that is, what...conversation? It's just dumbasses being loud.

Bruins won again. Swayman got the start, as I suggested he would. But as I also said, I don't know what to make of them winning all of these games in a row.

I've seen a bunch of shows on Netflix lately. They all follow the same formula and patterns. It's like a recipe. Do people not see this? And they all have characters repeat the plot at these regular intervals. The characters say the plot to that point to each other.

You don't need to pay much attention to watch these shows. Anything you might have missed will be restated without any nuance whatsoever shortly thereafter, and then again and again until the end. Everything's telegraphed. There are hardly any surprises. I picture a YouTube tutorial telling these writers--any writers--how to write this shit. It's no more complicated than that. Just another YouTube tutorial.

And people sit there for hours and hours as this regular thing in their lives? A constant? A backdrop to the rest of their existence? They don't think of going elsewhere save to other similar streaming services and their formulaic shows? Does anyone have any curiosity about the world? Does it ever occur to anyone to know more today than they did yesterday? What percentage of people do you think learn a single new thing each day? Any day?

I learn constantly. All day long. I add. Because I am this way, there is no one for me in any regard or capacity. I think about the people I know, and for the most part, know they don't learn anything. They are exactly the same every day. I've learned more today than people will in decades here at what is eight past four in the AM after getting going at quarter past twelve.

I don't watch YouTube tutorials with few exceptions. If I need to know how to do something, I'll read instructions online. I don't have the patience for the video. I want the words. Just give me the words. Similarly, on sports sites, I have no interest in the videos. I want the words and the numbers, especially the numbers, and the numerical blow-by-blow. Because a twelve-second highlight package doesn't tell me fuck all. But I understand that that's the level most everyone else wants, and they go no further, no deeper. I want to know. I want to understand. I want context.

Side note: People in Netflix shows have all of these horrible injuries, but they rarely go to the hospital. They're just fine seconds later, and they go about their days as stock characters. I saw this one show and this Russian guy breaks four of the fingers on this other guy's hand. Just snaps them, one-at-a-time. And then someone comes in and saves the day and shoots the Russian, and these two are doing jokes all calm with each other right after in the same room. Buddy jokes. Like, buddy road trip type jokes.

Can you imagine if someone actually snapped four of your fingers? Or one? You'd be bawling, or screaming, howling as you went to the ER, and you'd never stop talking about this day and that trauma. This fucking guy just...recovered. Didn't miss the proverbial beat. No ER, and hand magically fine, though we, the viewers, just saw the shot--there were a bunch--of how fucked up hand. For the gross/shock factor. We got the full sound effects effect, too. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, snap, snap, snap, snap.

This shit is imbecilic. This is entertaining? So stupid as hell and entertaining are the same? I watch this, and I think, "You're asking me to be such a moron in order to like what I'm seeing," never mind see more, never mind sit there for all thirty fucking hours or whatever it is of this show across its run.

Was wrong about Navy maybe making it close against Notre Dame--the Irish pummeled them. I always root for the service academies. Untainted by NIL.

Supposed to be rather warm today--almost sixty. The cold should be setting in shortly, though. It's good for you.

BC was predictably blown out by SMU at Alumni yesterday. I don't know why I watched most of that. Well, I had it on. I was doing other things. As per usual. If Boston College isn't the worst team in FBS this year, they have to be bottom three. I don't know who might be worse, though. It's almost like an achievement having the worst FBS team in the country. How often can you say that? Grim times for that program and I'm not sanguine they'll get much better. It's a shame.

You look at that ACC, too, which is garbage. Weak conference. Who is good in the ACC? Does someone like Pitt win the conference?

Friday was a very bad day. Even for me/here. An increasing of the hopelessness--which is a thing, even if it sounds like it couldn't be--and an increasing of my aloneness (ditto), and more proof of the futility of it all as to what I'm doing, trying to do, and what matters. You're a plumber, and it's a one-way street. But what I do is a two-way street. The plumber is dependent on the pipes. The pipes will always give him opportunity. I'm dependent on the capabilities of other people. See? Two-way street. Their minds. Their mores. Who they are and who they can be. Are open to being.

You can be the best artist ever, and create things that no one who has ever lived or will ever live can create, that are of a greater good and for a greater purpose than anything else, but you are dependent on people, which means all of what I've just described can be cancelled out by their shortcomings, their sloth, their stupidity, their illiteracy, their zombie-like existences. Like you didn't create anything at all.

This is a world where you can write, "I had an orange for lunch," and people won't understand it. But if you showed them a TikTok video or a meme, then they get that, but no further. And those people basically own you. Own your life. Own your chances. I'll get into this more in an entry or entries where this thesis is the basis of the entry or entries, but I don't know a way around this.

Even kids. They're much dumber than they used to be. What a child could understand that they read or was read to them was vastly different thirty years ago than it is now. Even the brighter ones who have grown up in a house with books and parents who don't just shove a screen in their face. It's like there's no hope for us at all, unless you count being like everyone else, then you're "saved" and there's no risk no matter how stupid, vile, lazy you are of being too stupid, vile, and lazy, because this world provides for everyone who sucks. It accommodates sucking, and punishes the opposite. And that's such a horrible, stupid, pointless, empty, limited thing to be. How everyone is. The now "norm." Like a fucking zombie.

But then you know more people. You can pair off with another zombie and spit out zombie kids. And you're either that way, or you're fucked. The less that way you are, the more fucked you are. And if you're not that way, you can't choose to become that way. People who are that way could choose to try and be more than that way. But they don't. They never do. That takes effort. Think of it like working out. Everything is a muscle. But it's working out against the grain of everyone else, society, how things are now. Which adds a courage element. People don't have courage. And a confidence element. People don't have self-confidence. A vision element. People don't have vision. A purpose element. People don't have a purpose. They can only do what everyone else, near about, is doing anyway. So it'd have to be a great many of them. People won't do fuck all on their own as an individual.

Today marks 3402 days, or 486 weeks, without a drink. I don't know how I don't drink at this point. Or how or why I'm keeping going. Though I'm somewhat impressed I stopped myself from going outside and attacking someone. They're finally gone now.