Heartbreaking in many ways, but I try to think that "always has been" doesn't mean "always will be"

Monday 10/6/25

A letter this morning from someone I've known longer than almost anyone with whom I speak.

Read through a lot this morning on the way to Lancaster--on the train now, the Keystone east line. Especially liked what you did with the Bill O'Brien post. I am sorry that the monument is closed due to the shutdown. Not sorry for you, per se, but for what it means.  

Still thinking about what you wrote about your feelings about John. I see your point, but also hope you'll stay close with him--he means well and he needs you, I suppose, in his own ways.  

And you shouldn't put much stock in anything I say or have said. Much of what I understand about publishing I learned from you. It's a commercial enterprise in the worst of all possible ways. I can't imagine what it must feel like for someone of your artistic genius to have to be confronted by this world. To be flayed comes to mind. Horrible.  

Well this isn't a very hopeful email and I certainly don't want to slip into platitudes. What I see is that the writing keeps coming--and that's a bright, brave and beautiful thing.  

The letter back:

Hey, man, thanks for this. 

One thing I'd say: Publishing isn't a commercial enterprise. These aren't commercial products and offerings. By these people. And that is put forward by people like those people. Do you understand? This is very important. "Best Present Ever" is commercial. They all are. "Thank You, Human." "Love, Your Mouse." "Dead Thomas" (and I realize you haven't seen the final version yet, because I haven't finished it yet). These people aren't trying to make money. They're trying to be members of this system, which is funded by other things. Like old money. But even when there are sales, the books that are sold aren't read. They're to be bought and maybe displayed, performatively, in the home.

I don't like when it sounds as if I'm writing Finnegans Wake. I make the best art, and what is the most commercial...anything. I do both simultaneously. That's what I do. I'm not saying you don't know this, and as well as anyone; I'm just saying that the remark below could have been said to...well, we'll stick with later-period Joyce (as I'm sure you know, his wife said, "Maybe try writing books people can actually understand"). And that wasn't commercial writing. It couldn't have appealed to many people.

But again--and I don't know why I say this, but I do--the game isn't over yet. I don't like the idea of the "this is your lot, the inevitable long, painful, unendurable-by-anyone-else-but-you march to death whilst flayed, but there's so much honor in that." Do you know what I mean? I'm not saying you said that. But I need to be proactive and fill in any possible spaces on that score. And I don't want you to think that way about me or my prospects. I am still here. I am still strong. And though everything is against me, the world needs me and what I do more than I believe it has ever needed anything. There isn't not a need for me and my work. Getting an actual chance is the thing. There could be other things after--people would just hate me, maybe, because I'm not like them and I make them feel bad about themselves because of the contrast between us. But I don't know that. I just know I need a chance to know that or to have this work.