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November begins

Monday 11/1/21

* This isn't going to be very interesting.

* I find that I have a plethora of different versions of my "Great, good luck" line, including several that I use with people I know. It's the best way to handle some things. I don't need to destroy someone and decisively win each time out when it is my mind pitted against theirs. So I just say one of my lines, and they typically like that, and I pretend that I value the input or viewpoint, but to me it is usually how a child would think, with a child's emotions, and a child's projections. But it causes me to have less stuff to deal with, including knowing that I hurt someone I can simply crush with my mind, especially when they are someone I like.

* Scrooge has gone off to the printer.

* The Wall Street Journal is trying to figure out the IRS situation.

* I wrote an op-ed today on the Beatles' Let it Be film.

* I'm halfway through an op-ed on Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven."

* I came up with three new story ideas.

* On Saturday I ran 3000 stairs and I ran 7000 yesterday.

* Also on Saturday night, I sat in place for two hours and worked on "The Hornet" in my head.

* Yesterday marked 1946 days, or 278 weeks, without a drink of alcohol.

* I’ve been making a survey of horror film soundtracks of late. Listened to the soundtrack of John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978) yesterday. Most are minimalistic, motivic (and often motoric), primal, with notable exceptions (1935’s Bride of Frankenstein, 1951’s Scrooge).

* Also listened to Liszt's Totantanz, and two full Grateful Dead shows from their spring European 1972 tour: one from Rotterdam, with the longest ever version of "Dark Star"--which is masterful--and the other from Hamburg.

* I love Halloween and it was beautiful last night, so I threw on some shorts and walked five miles, soaking up the evening, thinking of being back in Rockport. Spending Halloween there. Getting out of this situation.

* Colin Kaepernick is a race hustler. I don't even think he's a racist, necessarily. He's just a con artist who has tapped into the con artist possibilities of our age. Hustling race allows him to be thought of as things that are the opposite of what he really he is. The race hustle has given him his version of everything. Colin Kaepernick has no idea what it means to be discriminated against. I do. He has no idea what it really means to be blackballed. I do. He wouldn't last five minutes trying to deal with what I deal with. This is the real discrimination. He's just hustling a buck and tricking very dumb people who want to be tricked. If he fools you then you are someone who can be fooled by anyone and anything. There's next to nothing you can intuit on your own. A scary way to exist. Which makes for a scary world, given that there are so many people who are this way.

* This is depressing on multiple levels, obviously. I actually like this woman, though. I admire realness. Realness is rare. But there is something like this every day. For all of the pieces of the pie, there is really just one big piece, or one pie, if one prefers. It's the reason for everything. And in a sense, it's quite simple. The problem--in every aspect of my life--is greatness. That's the issue. That's the impediment, incredibly. That is the reason for everything against me in publishing. The problem is one of greatness. And I used to think that greatness was what made everything happen. But it's the opposite. It's the problem I have to solve. And the greater the greatness, the harder everything is. That's what you're seeing. That's why this is what my life is right now. In all of the areas of my life. It's why everyone behaves differently towards me. It's why if I post something on Instagram, a cousin, for instance, won't even hit the like button. Because it's me. It's where the envy comes from, the fear, the intimidation, the confusion that such a person could exist. This is the pie. The rest of everything else is the pieces, but this is the real problem that everything can be brought back to. And I don't know how to make absolute greatness into something that pulls people towards it, rather than causes them to flee or cower or hate or discriminate, or what have you. But I know that is the issue. I did send her something else, just trying to be encouraging in the search, and because she should be more confident. Sort of had the sense that this was someone who had been hurt and took that out on themselves and their self-esteem.

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