Tuesday 6/18/24
Regarding that entry about Threads, I should also say something about how obvious it is the amount of pain so many people are in.
I think most people are probably in a lot of pain. What I would say is that it matters what we do about the pain, not that the pain existed.
People generally don't help themselves to either deal with, move beyond, remedy, lessen, or learn from their pain. They're not good at finding solutions and outlets. Sometimes those solutions and outlets are right there in front of us, if we make certain choice, do certain actions.
I think that's where a lot of people go really wrong. And then when a lot of people go wrong like that, it seems like everyone finds themselves going wrong because we're in the same thing. There aren't people who serve as an example for a better way. We lack for the lessons we need. We feel helpless.
I'm not trying to be cruel to anyone, let alone theoretical people I haven't met. But I do find that the woe-is-me approach lacks for efficacy. Let's say someone's lonely. Okay. Reach out to someone. You do that, you say? And yet, there you are. Reach out to someone else. Say some words to people. Be honest. Show a true side of yourself. Risk the rejection.
That's not just some romance thing. It's like people want people but they just want people to come to them. When people do that, it tends to be in these insincere, trivial ways. The hitting of the like button on Facebook.
I talked earlier about team basketball. You go the playground, get in a game, and there's some guy showboating, jacking up every shot, never passing the ball. The game sucks. You're not getting anything out of this shit save running up and down the court and burning off some calories.
But when everyone is sharing the ball, moving it around, playing the right way, you have such a better time, don't you? Life is like that in a way. You have everyone out there playing iso ball, when people can just play a team game instead.
Be fiery, too. Have some passion. Some balls. Welcome a kick in the ass. Give yourself a kick in the ass. Don't make everything some belabored process.
I mentioned the drinking. "I'm going to cut back, I'll do this, I'll do that." It sounds tiring. Going to take a while. Kick yourself in the ass and just fucking do it. If you don't make it this big deal and you just fucking do it you can do it.
Everyone's different, sure. But do you know how much I drank? I drank twenty to thirty units of alcohol every day of my life for more than twenty years. And then one day, I said, fuck this, you fucking disgusting weak little bitch--I said that to myself--this fucking stops right here, right now.
And it did. I didn't look at steps, stages, a tiered exit strategy. That was all too complicated. The thing just would have kept going, even if by lessening degrees, when instead I could have been done right away.
It's not possible? Of course it's possible. People will say it's not. People will tell you a lot of shit. I'm telling you it doesn't have to be that way. But it will be that way if you think it has to.
That's the key--don't make anything a bigger deal than it is. Then you get better at dealing with the big deal stuff.
Cultivate a rich internal life while you're doing these things. Be comfortable with yourself. Not just because. Earn it. Be a good person, learn things, grow, foster empathy, always be adding to who you are. Get better every day.
Then you won't take anything personally. You won't think you're not good enough. Then you'll just have a problem to be solved, in terms of finding people, and people who are good enough, to have as people in your life. Because that it is hard. It's harder all the time in our world.
But when you cultivate the rich internal life, when you grow, learn, improve every day, you're okay with you. There's that place of solidity and strength that can't be taken from you. That another person can't dislodge or mar. Do you know what I mean?
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