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Salvation is created

Sunday 4/23/23

Yesterday--a Saturday--I began work at five in the morning. It was eight o'clock at night and I still hadn't stopped or even showered. I hadn't stopped for a single second. I was readying an entry about the NHL and NBA playoffs on here. I thought I should say something. I simply do that. This is the person who knows the most about sports, has the most interesting things to say about them--as with everything else--so this person makes a point of not holding back with that. But it's like a job. Can one even imagine me caring how a sports team does when I am daily battling what I am battling? I do it to make this journal complete. It documents a unique life of a unique artist, and also this world he was in. Is in.

I must be careful not to use the past tense, though it feels like I am dead many times over and am paying for something in something that is worse than hell. Because this is worse than hell. But there is nothing I enjoy. I couldn't care less if the Bruins forfeited the playoffs and went home today. I force myself to come here and have this record be total. There isn't a song I enjoy. There is nothing I look forward to. It's 24/7/365 torture. I cannot be more explicit about that.

You have things you like and look forward to. If you were being tortured constantly, and discriminated against constantly, you wouldn't. No matter the range and depths of your passions. There is no one with a greater depth and abundance of passions than I, but I am being surgically dissected, while alive, every second of my life. There is only this situation until there isn't.

Want one example from a given day like yesterday? There are fifty other things from a day like yesterday that I could isolate here as an example. Because this is how it always is, no exceptions. That's just the reality with these people.

Someone owes me $1300. This venue was taken over by an unstable, vain, angry, delusional racist who ranted about the evil of the white man who was advised to "kiss my natural Black ass." In a print magazine that was devoted entirely to such statements. This was a venerated magazine that had had a fifty-year run. I'll go into all of that later. More to do. More hell to document.

So to send a message to the white person who was featured more than any other writer at this publication, I was sent a check for $12. As in twelve bucks. And it's this. It's some form of this non-stop. Many forms of this at once non-stop.

But. I am more devoted than ever, and I am going to redouble efforts to expose these people on here with a vigor and a consistency that will turn the seas completely red. When you go up here, it's the start of your journey here. I will contact your boss, your board, your employers, your employees, and people you know with the links. When you lose that job and go to the next, because these people hook each up for no good reason at all, more than they do anything else, I will do the same thing. I will expose every last person in this bigoted, toxic, incestuous industry if I have to go person by person, until it's all gone and something better is in place. I will spare no one who is guilty. And it will be the main thing that people know about you and it will never go away.

And when I am out of this situation--as I will be--I will again redouble my efforts in that new context to make sure that everyone knows what you did and what you were about. I'll write a book about what this industry really was.

Or you could knock it off and try to fix it. I don't mean stop it--I mean fix it. In the end, it's going to be fixed either way. Save yourself while you can, I'd say.

I have no fear, I have nothing to lose, there is nothing anyone can do to me that hasn't already been done, every single word I say is true and provable--and usually comes with screenshots and emails--and it is also completely true what I am and with all of the requisite proof in vast abundance as to what that is.

I'm the last person on earth to be doing this with.

This is Chesnokov's "Salvation is created," which seems apt. Because I am creating my own.


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