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Sweat, flowers

Saturday 7/25/20

You know you've worked out hard when you can see the salt on your clothes. On your shorts, no less.

I walked twenty miles today and ran the BC stairs ten times after not exercising at all for several days. Everything just gets worse and I found that I could hardly do anything in the realm of the physical. I lost another gig which I could not afford to lose. They are deciding to publish less, cut out all arts coverage, and only do politics. A bad idea, a bad way to go. I could just write on politics there--as I do plenty of political writing and commentary--but each venues, just like so many people, tend to brand me as one thing, which is different than what someone else views me as.

To some I am fiction person (which itself breaks down into a sea of categories), to some I am sports guy, to some I'm op-ed man, to others I am journal/blog fellow, to others I'm film guy, to others I'm Beatles person, to some I'm Mr. Jazz, to others I'm radio dude, to others writer on literature. It's like no one can put the entire puzzle together. My story, my reach in this world, my legacy, is going to be dependent on people being able to see the whole puzzle. So, I then sat there for eight hours just writing editors. Letter after letter after letter, trying to get money coming in. Then today was the start of a new week for me, I managed not to off myself last week, though on one day in particular there I was weighing pros and cons--have I written enough? Will anyone do right by my work if I'm gone?--and so I arose at ten of five and forced myself to move.

On the way back I stopped at Trader Joe's. I'm not a foodie. I don't see much appeal in taking a photo of something you're going to eat. I look at food as just part of keeping going. Someday, if this turns, if I'm in one of my houses and in Rockport, I think I would enjoy cooking some fish I caught, or a plate of clams or mussels, or making gazpacho, but that is as close to being a foodie as I could get.

What I acquired at Trader Joe's was pretty typical, and I think probably pretty boring for people. There was chicken, which I should eat less of, as it causes cancer, but I don't eat that much of it, and I don't have a lot of protein otherwise. Celery, pineapple slices, chamomile tea for my stress, trail mix, vegetable burritos, bread, Swiss cheese, which is the only kind of cheese I'll have. Cheese is absolutely loaded with sodium. That's why it takes out your heart. Swiss cheese is very low in sodium. It's the only cheese like that. So far as your basic kinds go, anyway.

And so there is some color in my life, I got flowers as well. I try to do that. A little flash of color that says, "keep going, get past these people, you'll be in a beautiful home by the sea later, filled with flowers, art, your stuff from out of storage, everything you love, and you'll just create, and reap all that you have coming to you, so hang in there and keep going." Just simple $5 flowers. But you have to try everything when you're buried down this deep and you have what I have to give the world.


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