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Color color color

Monday 12/18/23

Color color color color color.

What's your color?

Are you the right color?

Are you the wrong color?

Because in this ass-end of a world, things can't be about who you are and how well you do what you do.

Has to be about color, mediocrity, "I'm like him so I will act like I like him," "I can also do what that person does and that comforts me," "I'm equally as dumb, that's comforting to me," sexual orientation, gender, and never about who a person is and how well they do what they do, what they know, what they offer.

And you know what? Someone can be a lot better than you. In every way. That's not bad. You should look up to them and try and learn something from them and their example. They're not your enemy because they're not on your level, even if your entire life comes down to trying to surround yourself with and support people like yourself. You're your own worst enemy because you're so threatened by that other person.

Today I ran my 3000 stairs in the rain at City Hall. That was a blast. Doing that every day so I can keep enduring this life that is so far beyond a nightmare.

Because I'm a nice person--and one that no one would ever actually be kind to, say anything to, check in on, say the obvious truth to about something achieved or created, not screw with--I stepped into Faneuil Hall to call my mother and see how she was feeling. Every day I'm in something worse than hell. I love my mom, but pretty much all she's going to do is talk about her health and the kids. But whatever--as I always do, I put everything aside. Nice guy. More than that. Guy who always does the right thing. It's actually always. It's not most of the time. One would need to go back many years at this point to find something I did even a little wrong. Because that's my standard for myself. And I've interacted with some people of very little quality who have tried to get me to take their bait. I take none, and I lower my standards for my personal conduct with and because of no one. As I'm going through this, and alone, shunned, hated, envied. And it never stops. It goes right down to these cowards on something like Facebook who think, "Wow, so amazing from this guy," but can't so much as hit the like button for the great one. Awesome. But if I was a talentless load who knew nothing, sat on my ass, did nothing, produced nothing save shitty writing every now and again? Support galore! Because that's how it works. Then I'd be non-threatening because I'd be seen as being on the same level.

Anyway, I do this checking in, and once that was over I decided to do some push-ups in Faneuil Hall, because it was pouring outside. I dropped to the floor where no one was. Well, there were only like four people in there because no one is out in Boston today, but this was out of the way anyway.

Above my head was a screen playing a video. You think it'd be about colonial history, right? Revolutionary War, all of that. You'd be wrong. It's about color. Because everything has to be about anything other than who a person is and how well they do what they do.

Then you have the mayor, who not only went right ahead with her "no white people allowed" Christmas party, but flaunted the fact that she had that party on social media. Great photo from the occasion. As some people pointed out, it must have also been a "no one who does sit-ups allowed" party, too, but whatever: Why get off your ass if you don't have to, right? Just stuff yourself and grift.

Then I see that she launched into a diatribe saying how Boston is full of white supremacists and that's what's wrong with the city: All of those racist white people. Also saw where she announced that soon you can bid on a contract with the city for plowing snow. One catch: You can't be white. People who are white with a snow plow business aren't eligible to bid for the contract. It says it. This isn't me reading between the lines.

You have a racist tyrant in Michelle Wu as the mayor of the city. This woman hates white people. You can see that that hate is punitive. And you know what? Out of touch, rich white biddies who are not affected by anything because of their circumstances will reelect her so that they can tell themselves as they stare into the mirror and admire their blue hair that they are one of the good ones.

Frankly, while I'm at it, I'm sick of everyone always telling me how sick they are, and how tired they are, and how little energy they have. People are always complaining to me about being sick, getting sick, feeling this way, feeling that way. I'm not talking about my mom now. But everyone else: You know why you're sick and you're tired and you have no energy? Because you're lazy. That's why you're always sick. And your attitude sucks. You waste your energy on moaning and making excuses. You know what? You have no clue what hard is. Stop drinking, stop self-medicating, start running stairs, go to bed at a reasonable hour, get up early, don't have a defeatist attitude. Your attitude makes you these things. The body takes its cues from the mind. Stop being so willingly weak. If you were a Zulu warrior, do you think you'd be sick or run down or whatever all the time? Hell no.

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