Cool air

Friday 5/31/24

Downloaded Albert King's The Big Blues, his 1962 LP on King. A great label. It was Little Willie John's as well. King, of course, moved to Stax in 1966.

It's cool enough this morning for me to wear a sweatshirt. That's what I like--the cool air. I dread summer. One way I handle summer now is by looking forward to fall. I like when things are upcoming. I'm taking some liberties here. I don't actually look forward to anything and I don't enjoy anything. It's not possible in this situation. This thing that is worse than hell. I'm speaking as if I wasn't in it.

I feel like a sack of potatoes lately. I haven't been pushing myself hard enough physically and my Zulu quotient is not where it needs to be.

Horrible nightmare last night. Often when I have nightmares, I'll have five or six of them in an evening--it's like a film festival of nightmares. Last night was just the one. I was at Boston College with the one person who is not against me to some degree, and I was desperately telling them how much pain I was in, liking physically shaking them to try and get them to know it, and using these odd metaphors about stimuli and psychic, vampiric creatures that suck out energy and essence, and my pain was so great that I romanticized school--college--which was something I detested. I was taking him on this tour, but the school was not how it actually was. I brought him into buildings and you had to crawl up these narrow passageways that were the stairs, almost like this dumb waiter system. It was dusk. But like this perpetual dusk.

On a different note--there's a BC-related guy who teaches at Sarah Lawrence and does some fantastically bad writing who I think I may be lighting up on here soon. That will include our friends at Georgia Review and New England Review. We'll be getting back to Carolyn Kuebler again anyway. It doesn't just end. The dogs are not called off without reason. Someone can be like, "Rage rage rage! I'll show him!" But you can't show me. You've already done everything you can do to me. Now you have to try and be smarter and think about what you're doing to yourself. This journal can be a bit like the penal system. You don't want to be in it.

My buddy had her last day of threes preschool yesterday! A big, big girl congratulations, Amelia! And she has such a bold sense of style! Yea!!!!!