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Make a list for Christmas

Friday 12/8/23

Well, enough is enough. Time to get the shotgun.

Tiny Tim was a whore. He was an attention slut. Had to have the last word. Did you get the attention you wanted, Tiny Tim?

At least she’s thin.

Yeah, that’s true.

I’m going to tell you exactly what you need to do.

To be honest, I can’t think of a single thing to say.

Wouldn’t hurt to hear him out anyway.

At this point.

Where do you think we are?

There was a basketball that was not mine in the hallway and I took it to the court to play with it and I could barely dribble the ball at all because there wasn’t enough air in it and I got mad at the person I took it from though I put it back and they never knew.

You used to be pretty.

You know what it’s like.

You don’t know what it’s like.

You have no idea what it’s like.

You know what I’m saying.

You’re not saying anything.

God that kid is creepy looking.

I’ve never had my jaw broken.

Your dog doesn’t love you.

Why don’t you know how actual love works?

Pack it in ice.

Put some heat on it.

Can we go?


I like that her shade is always open but it makes me sad so maybe I don’t. I don’t actually.

Something else would be better.

I could have kept the shoes longer and not thrown them out. I wanted to, though, so that it felt like I was doing something. Being proactive.

She ballooned so fast after her wedding.

It’s nice that balloons are still permissible given everything that is said about the environment.

COVID isn’t real but exercise is.

Who is he hurting, really?

He’s hurting all of us. We are all in it together.

You wouldn’t get it.

There must be nothing you can do about a gap between your two front teeth, even a big one.

It didn’t snow as much as you thought it did.

Come over and we’ll talk about it together.

The ashes were dispersed in an undisclosed location.

Everyone is some kind of a thief.

* From "Make a List for Christmas"/Become Your Own Superhero: Intrepid Exceptions to Modern Fiction


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