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Possibility

Friday 10/6/23

Nostalgia isn't good for you. Moving forward is.


When one looks back, it is best to do so in a way that benefits that person in the present and the future. Look back and carry forward what is useful, what has been discovered in the time since about that thing, person, place, feeling, idea, what is retained and is relevant. Do not look back principally to look back, in wishing to return to what no longer, from this viewpoint, exists. To do so is defeatist and however fond the feeling is at first, it will turn to a dreariness that permeates thought and being. Limits are put in place and depressive tendencies assert themselves and subtly take over. The person then becomes someone whose present and future is circumscribed, both in how they may feel and what they may be. Move forward. The past accrues a living, vibrant value when it serves the present and what follows to the greatest degree possible. In this regard--the regard of the healthy, integrated person--there really is no past, present, future as in, "Oh, I miss those days," "Today is necessarily limited," and "It will never be the same again"; there is only a chronological order to certain things. Mere calendar, which is very different from possibility.


"We should get to know each other." This seems like a simple thing to say, and yet, we never say it, and it's a radical statement, if not a radical concept. Or perhaps it is a radical concept. Whom do we know? Whom can we know if we don't know ourselves? How many of us know ourselves well or to any meaningful degree at all?


In the letting down of walls, in the saying of words that feel, at first, like they take courage to say--"We should get to know each other"--we are put in a position to better--or first--know ourselves, as we come to know another person. We think these words compromise us; we risk too much, we are exposed in an indelicate position where someone else can do something we fear is bad to us.


They can't. They won't. The irony is, the person who who has said these words has also said, "I believe in myself. It's not a big deal. How are you? How are you, really? I would like to know."


Another person will find this inspiring. In today's age of disconnection and loneliness, they may even find it heroic. They will wish to be that way themselves, and if they decide to be that way--which they can do right then and there by saying, "We should!"--they will have a similar effect on others. In time, they won't second guess themselves. They won't think they've shared too much or over-risked. They'll feel comfortable and like this is just a cool way to be, because it is.


Note the words. They are not we should hang out, we should bang, or even we should talk. "We should get to know each other." Many means and activities are under the umbrella, but it's important to return to the guiding essence of the opening statement. Those words are a powerful invitation that can change a life, outlook, person. What is the worst that can happen? There is no worst that can happen. Nothing may happen. But nothing happens already when one doesn't do anything.


So what is the difference, save possibility?



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