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Re: a kind of hate

Wednesday 1/10/24

A funny thing, or one the opposite of funny, if you prefer: People--especially publishing people--who want to hate me; people who believe they need to hate me; people who come here to these pages to try and hate me; people who do wrong against me out of hate--are people who try and hate me even more because what they do, and the reasons why they do it, is only and ever countered and juxtaposed with goodness on my side.

He is good, in addition to being better at all of these things. He did not do wrong to me. He does not lower himself as I lower myself constantly in seeking some perverted revenge for him being these things I am not.

Then, they try to hate and punish me more.

And, ironically--though it's so very logical once you understand what is happening and how most of these people are--it's as if they recommit to solely granting favors--which are never earned--to those who are just like they are.

A way this will increasingly be working on here, with some specs on where I'm coming from: I'm going to know what you're all about. Your history of cronyism and systemic log-rolling. Why you publish what you publish. Why what you have had published was published. I'm going to offer you a work of unique quality. It's going to be much better than anything you've ever been offered. I am not going to pay you to read my work--and form reject it out of envious vindictiveness, while I know--and have the proof--of all of those people who didn't pay you a penny, because I know the nature of your relationship with them.

I'm going to have a track record of publication that no one can touch. I'm not going to have done a single bad thing to you. You'll have that one chance, or that one last chance. And if fuckery then transpires, you go up on here, with all revealed, and we'll do a side-by-side comparison of what you published--having documented why you published it--with what I offered you. Then, everyone will know you for what you are, and this will never go away. In fact, it will only get worse, because I will keep exposing you, and as things get bigger and bigger--because they will--that will only mean more eyeballs, and more people knowing how you really are and how you operate. Your peers, your employers, the public, etc.

I'm being the generous one here in offering you the work of this quality for the pittance, which I am doing at this point more out of principle than anything else--a refusal to let people discriminate against me. The readers I'm looking for will not follow in the numbers I'm looking for them because this story ran in this journal. I'm going to need a different model of much greater visibility for what I do. I write for the world, not for MFA students to namecheck things that no one reads--not even them--which possess no value. But still: principles are principles.

I guess if you're one of these people described above that you need to ask yourself how much is your hate--for which there is no viable, reasonable basis--worth to you? Or, you could just have the amazing work from the amazing writer with the amazing track record, who has done you no harm, but who has the power to put it all out there about you, after which you can do nothing, because it's all true.


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