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Talk like you're intelligent

Saturday 5/13/23

I'm sure the dumb men on dating sites have things they all repeat, but why do so many dumb women on dating sites say how much they love dad jokes? That's really a big part of their lives? The telling and hearing of dad jokes?

How vapid can one be?

If I was sitting somewhere public with someone and they were making dad jokes and, further, valuing this, I'd think, "What is wrong with you?" and would leave at the first opportunity. I'd be more mortified. I'd hope no one could hear us.

That's what you're supposed to do? Where time is meant to go? This is an activity that gets pursued and is appreciated? This is humor? This is wit? It's what people are looking for?

What kind of level of stunted do you have to be in order to want to spend time in your life telling and hearing dad jokes? Shouldn't the four that you heard in eighth grade tide you over for the rest of your life?

What wouldn't amuse you, then? Well, something intelligent, for starters. How is it even possible to be that simple? And immature?

It's so many of these women, too, who write this. All ages. Twenties through forties. They even ask you to tell them your best dad joke.

Typically a comment about dad jokes will be a woman's entire profile. She'll write nothing else. All you need to know about her, in her view, is that she likes dad jokes.

As I often do, I find myself asking, "Why be alive if this is what you are? Why bother? What is the point? Why even go through the motions of existence? Why are you here?"

It doesn't stop there, because there's the larger, more damning, more depressing point.

Everything is of a piece with people on account of their simplicity. It's not like, "well, make an allowance for that, because this other thing about them is rich and fascinating."


It's like a human as one big dad-joking wanting person, in all of their aspects. There aren't facets. It's just one big blah of depressing, mindless totality. This bland smear of nothingness.

I have never--honestly, it's not happened once--encountered a single intelligent line on a dating site.

I've played along, as if I had. Because what else can you do? There is so little in just about everyone. And they make you know it right away.

But in reality when I play along, what I really mean is, "Wow, you actually spelled some of the eight basic, platitudinous words you used correctly, and you've not given up on fitness yet."

That's pretty much the best case scenario.

And never am I surprised. It's never a case of "Wow, there was more to that person" upon future interaction. There isn't.

It's a nightmare when you require someone who is smart, dynamic, honorable, articulate, well-adjusted, not crazy, some amount of strong, and a good person.

As a general rule: If anyone else out there could say it, you shouldn't be saying it. Because you should be you. And that should be apparent in what you say and how you say it.

Or, as I imagine myself advising people, "Talk like you're intelligent."

What a concept, right?

I'd say it to nearly anyone. Everyone on Twitter. Talk like you're intelligent. Every person I see on TV. Sports "pundits." Every person I hear on the radio or podcasts.

But very few people do it.

Talk like you're intelligent.

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