Friday 6/14/24
I had said that I'm working on There Is No Doubt: Story Girls again. That has meant going through "Fitty," which is the first story in the book, again. I've made some changes. They're things that only I would notice. What other people would call very small things, and just about imperceptible things to the lay person. And I boil with rage as I read. I boil with rage because of these bigots, the evil, the injustice. As the tears run down my face on account of what happens in this story.
"Fitty" is now five-years-old and they won't let anyone see it. Do you know what "Fitty" is? "Fitty" is the best thing anyone's ever done. Notice how I put that. I didn't say it was the best thing anyone'e ever written. I didn't say it was the best thing ever created. I said it was the best thing ever done.
I am doing that with the allowance I make, which is to say, proceeding as if I'd never created anything else save this one work. Someone could say, "What an asshole to say that about something he made." I don't think anyone who reads my work would think that. Yes, someone who hates me because of what they are and aren't might say it. Someone prejudiced against me because of what I am and do. But they wouldn't actually think that. I don't think anyone who knows me would think it. I don't think anyone who reads this singular journal would think it. They would think--they would know--that I'm not speaking an untruth.
It's one thing for me to put up excerpts on here. They're obviously what they are. They're obviously infinitely better than the excerpts we see from these people of the system. Do we need to bring up Sigrid Rausing, Granta, and Motorollah again? How about J. Robert Lennon with The New Yorker? You'll enjoy a little something coming soon in that regard with Christopher Beha of Harper's. But to see how these works come together is a wholly different matter.
There is nothing that makes the case plainer against these people than the work in full. There is nothing that exposes the bigotry at play here, the evil, than that. If anyone read "Fitty" and then was given a name of someone--like a Nate Brown, a Deborah Treisman, a Willing Davidson, a David Wallace, a Beha, a Katie Ryder, a Jill Bialosky (who will also be featured soon), an Emily Stokes, a Thomas Gebremedhin, an Ann Hulbert, a Scott Stossel--and was allowed to see what they said, or what they didn't say, when presented with it, they wouldn't have careers anymore if the story had gotten out and people got to see it. There would be no earthly justification for their actions. They'd be held accountable--because of those people en masse who got to experience the work--and they'd be gone. This isn't some mis-step in judgment. It goes far beyond that. It is something very calculated.
I'd have to pretty far gone to talk about this story this way--because presumably this story will get out there at some point, and people will revisit this very entry and scrutinize these words, some of them with the goal and fervent desire of being able to use them against me--and not have it be this thing I'm saying.
And you know what? It's not. It's better than what I'm saying.
If this story gets out there and enough people see it, it'll end people in publishing. So much of this will. Because people would want to know, "Why did you do that? What did you have against this guy? What did he do to you? You were putting out this nonsense here, and shitting down this guy's throat when the world could have had 'Fitty'? Because he was better than you?"
I've been tempted to put this full story up on here. The same with "Big Bob and Little Bob." I almost did that with "Fitty" on July 4, 2022. To have it be available and as proof. I thought about it as I was running stairs that morning. But there are a billion websites. I don't want this to get lost in that billion. A lot of people who hate me and want me dead come here. They try and keep what's in these pages on lockdown. The worst thing for them would be word spreading. And not many people outside of publishing read at all, because publishing has effected a readerly genocide. Publishing has killed off reading. Those people so loath to read can read me later, because everything is different here, and what is offered is different here. But they're going to have to find out about this guy first. And that's what publishing is trying to stop from happening. That's the war I'm in.
But in a way, right now, you're preaching to the evil choir who is singing their separate, evil song. These works also are not meant for these pages. I don't know what the ideal distribution--and remuneration--system is for them yet and it may not exist yet. I have, of course, hundreds of things, but they're not meant for this website. And I end up thinking, "Hold on. Hold the rope. Wait. Just. Wait."

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